Back home

Okay, so i've moved home... *sigh* which is why i havent posted anything for ages as i have been busy having fun and moving my excessive amount of crap that i've acquired over the 3 years back.

I didnt think i'd miss wycombe so much but I really am. I dont think its so much the place, although it is a lot cooler than Lowestoft, but I really miss the people there. The last few months of university were the best months i've ever experienced and in light of that, i'm going to blog all the fun times (that i remember) from the time at University, drunken or otherwise.

The idea is... well... stolen.. completely from a guy that Mr Molony showed me on the internet but i can't remember his name. I'm fairly sure that most of our experiences will in no way out do the one that Dan read out in his living room (involving a crude sexual act that ended up with a women running from his apartment covering herself in a sheet drenched in lubrication, liquid poo and vomit from at least 2 people... try and find it, it really is hilarious) and I doubt I can write about them in such an eliquent style, but I shall try!!!

I'll try to keep people nameless if the stories seem to be 'crossing the line' of embarrasment and people don't want it up for everyone to see, but MY line is usually ALOT further away than most people (as Miranda is fully aware of). So if you don't want your name up, just say :)


Drunken memory number one...

Okay this happened in first year after the mens hockey initiations. Myself and Andrew Kelly were sitting in the common room of John North as we decided that the union would be full of men dressed as women and getting naked showing off their manhood and in a bold step to re-enforce our powering masculinity lol we decided to stay in. (We probably ended up doing something incredibly gay.. but thats not the point here)
To be honest, I think we were both waiting for one of our flat mates, Jimmy, to return from the initiations knowing full well that he would find it hard to defend himself from the barrage of pranks that usually follow myself and Andrew.

Jimmy eluded us at first, but once we found out that he was back, we made our way to his room. We werent quite sure what to do at first, but as fate would have it Jimmy had left his door unlocked! We entered. Jimmy was lying spralled across his bed, one testicle swaying out of the ripped tights that he was wearing but otherwise naked. After some laughter, taunting and some shouting, we somehow managed to get the naked (and still rediculously drunk) Jimmy out of his room and me and Andrew were metephorically dangling the carrot in front of his to lead him around halls in his drunken state... obviously still butt naked.

First to the downstairs kitchen... where Jimmy picked up a frying pan (unfortunately my frying pan) to cover his manhood and use as a weapon if he caught up with me or Andrew. After he chased us around halls for a bit, we returned upstairs to the first floor. On the first floor was the big kitchen, a more communal kitchen than our pokey ones downstairs. In this kitchen there was at least 4 people, all quite suprised to see Jimmy at the door naked covering himself with a frying pan.

After some screams etc etc we decided to take Jimmy back to his room. As we were going to his room we walked past the staircase where Sam was just coming back from home. Following Sam was the unaware Mother and Father. (apprently it was still pretty early in the evening and Jimmy was living up to his first nickname "Jimmy two pints")

The stunned Mother tried to cover her eyes after getting a flash of naked Jimmy and his one exposed testicle, but, alas couldnt as she was carrying some of Sam's things he bought from home, so had to run out of the building instead. After this we got Jimmy back to his room, safe and sound... and left him alone.

The next morning, me and Andrew went to his room to find the aroma of urine emulating from Jimmy's bedroom. Turns out, after allt hat running after me and Andrew, Jimmy couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to go to the toilet, so he merely rolled over urinated on his carpet then rolled back to return to his alcohol indused coma.

Weeks later, the smell and the stain remained... even the nice lady at Asda didn't know what the best product was to remove 3 week old urine stains from a carpet.

Jimmy moved out of John North Halls: The stain did not